It's 4:30 am...my dream self and day self have met up again. I get up quietly, pad downstairs grabbing a blanket as I go, and hope that little Nick will join me. He does, and as I settle into the downstairs couch, he jumps up and curls himself into a tidy ball behind my knees.
Sometimes I can sleep some more but today is not one of those days. This is new for me, this waking in the cold dark, shaking off the dreams in which I manage multiple lesson plans in a busy classroom, or solve complicated problems, or even escape from unknown danger. My brain is busy nowadays, making sure that I am aware of risk, and details left undone, and problems unsolveable. Thank you brain. Thank you.
Interesting. We can plan for contingencies, save money to be used in the future, forego risk in place of security...and then to meet some risk well armed sends our poor brains into panic mode.
So, I am leaving my established life here in Oregon. I am saying goodbye to my home, so lovingly restored, and to my friends, so carefully tended, and to wilderness surrounding me. I am saying goodbye to my dear Woodrow, who will stay here in his retirement as it is healthier for him. I won't hear the flickers calling, nor the bluejays. There won't be deer in the yard anymore, or bunny tracks in the snow.
I am leaving all that and going to a city filled with sunshine, with a university, with music, books, and art. There will be mountains surrounding me, though farther away than now. There will be saguaros, roadrunners, snakes and cactus wrens. Adobe homes, and dry riverbeds. Monsoons and lightning, sunrises and sunsets to fascinate.
Jane M, of Lucky So and So, said she admired my aplomb. ha! Jane, here is the real truth...I'm scared. That won't stop me though-never has, never will. Complacency is not where I want to live.