Friday, February 17, 2012

marriage, health, and privacy

Guanajuato, Mexico 2011


We have been married since 1975...to each other, with no breaks.  I only mention this because in 37 years, plus 3 more living together years, a contented couple learns the art of compromise.  Toilet paper rolls OVER, seat stays DOWN, spaghetti sauce needs oil, and Diet Coke is better than Pepsi.  I'm sure there are more rules and regs in this house but sometimes looking too closely at the compromises is not worthwhile.  

One compromise we settled on recently concerned his health and my need to be get support from my friends.  He asked me to not talk of our concerns and I did not.  I let him direct what news went out and who could hear it.   At one point, he did talk with another couple who are long time friends and they have been a source of comfort and good wishes.  This helped me be a better partner and stronger in the face of whatever might happen.   In the last 3 months, Ross  has been through a series of doctor appointments, CT scans, X rays, ultrasound, etc.  Suffice it to say that we have hit our deductible for 2012.  What began as a bad cough, and mushroomed to possible laryngeal cancer has finally been diagnosed as a mass on his thyroid.  

If you would like, you can read his own blog entry  again with almost cancer, which is an update of the results, our reactions and our recent foiled travel plans.  Ross has a wonderful writing style and I always enjoy his wry humor.  I hope you do too.  This post and my link to his blog are my way of just letting you know what we are up to recently.  We are feeling great, and are as pleased as possible with the results.  We will be fine throughout the next steps.  Retirement is wonderful, but dammit, it also means aging and health scares and some loss of physical endurance.  If I can paint a realistic picture for those of you coming along the road behind us, I will have helped. 

Finally, my Minoru jacket is done!  Done, completed, steamed and pressed, finished.  Oh, how pretty it is too.  
<proud grin>
  

25 comments:

  1. I'm sorry to hear that you have had a scary time for the past few months. I'm glad that everything seems to be working out. I am VERY excited to see your Minoru! I plan on working on mine this weekend for the first time in over a month!

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  2. Wow - you must have been experiencing some tough times over the past couple of months, especially not being able to talk about it with friends. I have two friends who have had their thyroids removed due to tumours, and both of them are healthy and living full lives so this is a good prognosis for your husband. Well wishes from my side of the planet.

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  3. I have only half a thyroid myself. I had a similar situation years ago. In fact, when the thyroid was removed and the pathologists at Stanford Hospital were trying to determine if it was cancerous, they argued over. It was "borderline" but they finally decided it was benign. They told me that if you are going to get cancer, this is a "good" one to get as it is so curable. All the best to your husband and to you! It must have been hard not to talk about it, but kudos for respecting his wishes. All the best to you both!

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  4. That must have been a scary, lonely time. I am glad you are through it.

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  5. Making compromises is (I think) one very important part of a good relationship. You are so lucky to have each other! May you have many, many more years together.

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  6. Sounds like a very difficult few months. I am so glad to hear the result is not Bad News. It is so smart to make the most of the time you have right now!

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  7. Well really, good news but what an awful month waiting for it. So glad the jacket is done. When do we get to see it? And gosh, I sure hope you are taking a bottle or two of bubbly to the desert soon. ;)

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  8. Hi Mary, I just came across your blog via another blog (wish I could remember which one!). You and your husband make a beautiful couple. All the best for better health in 2012. And wow, 37+ years - so impressive!

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  9. Compromise and respect, two important themes in any successful marriage. It's good to read you are through the difficult place of waiting and know how to move ahead with the next phase of your DH's health journey. May it be smooth sailing ahead. Looking forward to seeing your finished jacket!

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  10. 40 years of togetherness is so awe-inspiring - kudos to both of you for such an inspirational journey together. I'm so happy to hear that your compromising now includes sharing your story and allowing for support; I know how incredibly valuable and healing that support can be...even from relative 'strangers'.

    My healing heart is open for you both :) And now I'm off to read hubby's post - the posts of his I've read in the past have all been a delightful read! (no matter what the subject)

    And congrat on the Minoru! Look forward to seeing the finished product :)

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  11. So glad it is not cancer ! Waiting for results is so difficult , it seems to take forever and trying not to think the worst is very hard . COngrats on 40 years too - if only more couples compromised and were tolerant then perhaps more would reach 40 year milestones.

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  12. Hearing the "not-cancer" diagnosis is very good news! Congratulations on a long and successful marriage. Whatever such a thing requires, you have obviously got it nailed! I wish you stable good health and lots more happiness ahead.

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  13. An inspirational story of marriage, respect and commitment. I hope you are able to enjoy a lovely holiday together soon.

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  14. ditto to everything that everyone else has said here - congratulations on being able to celebrate so many wonderful years together and I hope your DH continues to stay well

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  15. My thoughts and prayers are with you both. Glad you were able to share your experience with us, but sorry to hear it has been a rough road.
    I have 2 students who have had similar thryoid issues..one a mass, removed years ago and one cancer. Both are doing great:)

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  16. Best wishes for you and for your hubby! Almost 40 years, amazing and congratz! I am glad to hear that what he has is operable. Very scary for both of you, but I just know it'll be ok.

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    1. Mary, thanks for your post on my blog about the posting issues. Actually, my problem is third party cookie blocking. My husband is excessively security conscious when it comes to computers (and everything, really, lol), so he keeps third party cookies blocked on all the household computers. Now that I know what causes the problem (google is aware of this issue, and it is only with embedded commenting, it's in their help/fix tips), I can just enable them in order to post on blogs with embedded commenting like yours, then block them again when I'm done. Takes no time at all. :)

      Also, I deleted the rant/post I made about google and not being able to post, as I was trying to avoid the negative venting in a public forum. :)

      At any rate, I'm glad my message got through your hubby to you, thank him for me, and again, very best wishes for his health!

      You know, I think we only live about 2 or 3 hours apart. I hope someday we'll be able to meet up, maybe at a sewing event, if they ever have any south of Portland!
      Linda

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  17. ahhhhhh, Mary and Ross, The news sounds at least managable if not good! Thinking of you with love!

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  18. Congrats on a beautiful long marriage and many more. Glad your husband is doing well and wishing him continued good health. Looking forward to your minoru

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  19. Wow, you got married in the year I was born!! Always enjoy reading your posts about married life and ageing gracefully. Very inspirational, even though I seemed doomed to singledom... And great to hear the health results.

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  20. Mary,
    First Congratulations on your 37 years together... WOW Thats a long time of compromise and sharing.. Kudos! Secondly, but as important, . Glad the Dr appointments scans and diagnosis is complete. I hope Ross will feel better soon. I can so relate to the husband has medical issues.. Mine has many but we keep plugging along enjoying day to day life.. traveling and laughter sure make it bearable at times We are lucky to be retired for sure...
    Take care. and hug that man often....
    We will be going to Arizona on March 7th for the month.. I hope to post from the road.
    Cheryl

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  21. There are only a few things in life more important than sewing - and you've found them, together! All the vey best wishes for your continuing future together.

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  22. It's so hard when the one person who is your support and partner is the one that is having the hardship- it can be sort of bereft. I'm glad things are looking up and you have that support for each other. I'd like to have the longevity your relationship has had- here's hoping!

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  23. Sorry to hear about you and your husband's struggles, but glad to know the prognosis is pretty good! Hope to see the review of your new jacket soon....

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  24. Firstly, congratulations on 37+3 years, and secondly, on the more positive news. Thirdly, on the Minoru, and that your cheerleader can happily see you wear it.

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